The co-worker:
‘’Would it be ok if I give the feedback to you over the phone? I don’t have it written down.’’
Me:
‘’Sure! No problem’’.
Case should be closed.
This is what actually happens:
The co-worker:
‘’Would it be ok if I give the feedback to you over the phone? I don’t have it written down.’’
My thoughts:
Do I have a pen and paper? No, I do everything digitally. Do I have my laptop? It’s in my bag and this train is crowded. I’m on the phone with her so I can’t write it down on my phone unless I plug in my headphones. Hmm, I forgot to bring my headphones today because I couldn’t find them this morning because my house is a complete chaos. I just put the phone on speaker mode.
O wait, I can’t put the phone on speaker mode either because I’m on a full train and people will get annoyed with me. I hate it when people get annoyed with me. My co-worker is probably also annoyed by me. I could just ask her to send me an e-mail. She’s probably very busy and I’m totally lazy if I ask her to e-mail it. I don’t want to bother her with my problems. What if she thinks I’m not even capable of processing some simple feedback? That can’t happen! I must be capable! I’ll just remember it.
Me: ‘’Sure! No problem’’
Case is fully open.
Was that as exhausting for you to read as it was for me to write down?
What happens next probably doesn’t come as a surprise to you. Not only has my self-worth dropped from 100 to an absolute 0, but I also forgot to write down the feedback and people actually do get annoyed. For me, this is the proof I needed that I was right about myself all along. Even if it’s false.
I’m also totally exhausted when I come home and struggle to finish even the smallest tasks. My house is still a mess and I can’t find the headspace to clean it up. O, and dinner? Take-out. There is no space in my head to even think about cooking a healthy meal.
I’m proud to say I am now in the process of stopping the Thought Train. The conversation now goes like this:
The co-worker:
‘’Would it be ok if I give the feedback to you over the phone? I don’t have it written down.’’
Me:
Could you please e-mail it to me? I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.
Case actually closed. Nobody annoyed. Everyone is happy. Especially me.
