How the ADHD Thought Train always makes me say ‘yes’ at work.

I’m on the train back from work. A co-worker calls me with a work-related question. This is what happens:

The co-worker: 
‘’Would it be ok if I give the feedback to you over the phone? I don’t have it written down.’’

Me:
‘’Sure! No problem’’.

Case should be closed.

This is what actually happens:

The co-worker: 
‘’Would it be ok if I give the feedback to you over the phone? I don’t have it written down.’’

My thoughts: 
Do I have a pen and paper? No, I do everything digitally. Do I have my laptop? It’s in my bag and this train is crowded. I’m on the phone with her so I can’t write it down on my phone unless I plug in my headphones. Hmm, I forgot to bring my headphones today because I couldn’t find them this morning because my house is a complete chaos. I just put the phone on speaker mode.

O wait, I can’t put the phone on speaker mode either because I’m on a full train and people will get annoyed with me. I hate it when people get annoyed with me. My co-worker is probably also annoyed by me. I could just ask her to send me an e-mail. She’s probably very busy and I’m totally lazy if I ask her to e-mail it. I don’t want to bother her with my problems. What if she thinks I’m not even capable of processing some simple feedback? That can’t happen! I must be capable! I’ll just remember it.

Me: ‘’Sure! No problem’’

Case is fully open.

Was that as exhausting for you to read as it was for me to write down? 

What happens next probably doesn’t come as a surprise to you. Not only has my self-worth dropped from 100 to an absolute 0, but I also forgot to write down the feedback and people actually do get annoyed. For me, this is the proof I needed that I was right about myself all along. Even if it’s false.

I’m also totally exhausted when I come home and struggle to finish even the smallest tasks. My house is still a mess and I can’t find the headspace to clean it up. O, and dinner? Take-out. There is no space in my head to even think about cooking a healthy meal. 

I’m proud to say I am now in the process of stopping the Thought Train. The conversation now goes like this:

The co-worker: 
‘’Would it be ok if I give the feedback to you over the phone? I don’t have it written down.’’

Me:
Could you please e-mail it to me? I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

Case actually closed. Nobody annoyed. Everyone is happy. Especially me. 

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