What is dopamine?
Dopamine is a type of neurotransmitter. Your body makes it, and your nervous system uses it to send messages between nerve cells. That's why it's sometimes called a chemical messenger.Dopamine plays a role in how we feel pleasure. It's a big part of our unique human ability to think and plan. It helps us strive, focus, and find things interesting.
People with ADHD or neurodiverse brains have a deficit of dopamine and therefore struggle with things such as thinking, planning, focus and staying interested for a long period of time.
Dopamine can be found in substances such as sugar, and carbs but also in alcohol and drugs. Exercise also helps to give you a dopamine rush but I have found it not near as effective as for example sugar.
Feeling restless without dopamine
Now you know what dopamine does to an ADHD brain you also know why it’s not strange why ADHD is often related to addictions. For me that addiction was food.
My parents were extremely good in giving me structure and a healthy diet. Portions were good and nutritious and when me and my sister got a snack it was always measured and never disproportionate.
I do remember from a young age being extremely restless. My parents were extremely good in giving me structure and healthy diet with an occasional measured snack for me and my sister. Even though the snack was measured, my brain jumped up and down from joy. Something my sister didn’t seem to experience even though being on the same diet.
When I was 7 my parents cut me of sugar completely and that gave me some kind of mental rest that lasted until I hit puberty and discovered the vending machines and cafeteria in middle school. Things went downhill from there.
My first real memory of taking and hiding food from my parents pantry came at the age of 14. I got really good in just taking one or two items of sweets from a bag and then moving on to another bag to do the same thing so they wouldn’t notice.
Needless to say I was heavily obese and addicted to carbs and sugar by the time I turned 18. That’s also when I got diagnosed with ADHD.
My 20s and London
I binge ate myself through college and even had to take a break because I was burned out. During a six-month break, I left my college dorm and moved back to my parent’s place where they provided (forced upon) me with a therapist, personal trainer, and dietician. This wasn’t by my choice but nonetheless, I lost 20 kgs in those 6 months only to gain it all back in the next year when I was offered an amazing internship in the west of the country.
I moved and started over. People with ADHD are extremely good at starting over and pretending there’s nothing wrong, so there was nothing wrong. This time I managed to keep binge eating but stay fully functional in life. I got extremely good at covering up my eating disorder by not eating during the day and then eating everything when I got home.
By that time I started to realise I wanted to do something about my ADHD but was totally unaware still of how it worked and why it was causing me so much trouble. I was determined to ‘hack’ it and not tell anyone about it.
I got into therapy, graduated by some miracle, and got offered a job in London. This for me was the proof my ADHD didn’t exist (It did) and that I could just ignore it (I couldn’t). I just kept eating and eating and eating.
I was on Ritalin during the time I moved to London and that gave me a little support. ADHD medication makes you less hungry but Ritalin, in particular, had an extreme rebound effect on me so when my medication started to wear off I instantly did a supermarket run for another binge session.
I lived my best life in London, loved every minute of it, ignored my ADHD completely, and was very appreciated at work for my skillset. I took medication during the day, went to the pub after work, and ate myself through the rest of the evening. Believe it or not, I was extremely happy for a while.
Unfortunately, my GP in London suddenly cut me off my medication and I had to go through the diagnosis process again. It took three months. Three months without medication. My eating habits got way worse again and I decided to see a specialist about my binge eating disorder. I learned to eat 3 meals a day with three snacks. If that snack is a candy bar every once in a while, that’s ok!
I opened my eyes to the fact that food is not a black-and-white idea. It’s not everything or nothing (also a very ADHD brain thing, thinking in black and white).
It got slightly better and I lost 10kgs but I was still without medication and with the slightest setback I got back to eating. I quit ADHD medication completely after that.
After three years in London, I moved back to the Netherlands where a short time later Covid hit worldwide.
Back to now
Back to now. I turned 33 last December and went back to therapy for my eating disorder.
Here I discovered the effect of dopamine on addictions in general but in particular on people with ADHD brains. This was the eye-opener I needed to finally start embracing and accepting my ADHD completely and I asked for new medication. Dexamfetamine.
Simultaneously I found an ADHD coach to help me understand how my brain works and when dopamine levels are low. The amazing thing about dexamfetamine is that it slowly wears off and I hardly feel any rebound.
In conclusion
So how is it currently going? Really well! Yes, I’m still struggling with food and it probably will always stay a struggle for me. That is something I have to learn to live with. My binge eating moments became less frequent over the course of the last 5 years and are now completely gone(yay!).
I still have moments where I indulge in a bag of crisps or a chocolate bar and that’s why at this point I’m still struggling to lose weight but that’s a problem I want to tackle in the future.
I want to be happy now and feel at ease. To embrace and accept my ADHD and struggles with dopamine so it has a positive effect on my well-being.
